“ Back Yourself! You’re a good doctor” ; “ You’ve got what it takes” ; “Your dreams are valid” ; “ You are competent” “You’ve done your best” ; You’ve done this patient justice” ; “It’s not your fault” “ Don’t take it personally” .These are just some of the thoughts and mini pep talks I occasionally have to give myself at various points whenever self-doubt creeps in.
Self-doubt and imposter syndrome is commonly encountered by many friends and colleagues in the health care space and various other fields. This year as a community service medical officer I have found myself in situations where I’ve either come up with an assessment or management plan or both regarding a patient’s clinical condition and at times find myself looking for a senior to “review” or “double check” or “confirm” and quickly realise I am that senior. I have also found myself in consultant ward rounds and my words are taken as is without question or doubt. “They don’t doubt you, Why do you doubt yourself?”
In those moments of self-doubt I find myself asking why am I feeling like this? Why don’t I back myself? I’ve worked hard in medical school. I’ve jumped through all the hoops. I’ve gone through internship. But even in medical school or internship I’m sure we’ve all been in a tutorial or ward round where a question is asked and maybe you whisper what you’re quite certain is the right answer only barely within earshot of the person standing/sitting next to you. Eventually the answer comes out. You were right and you were right first but just didn’t have the confidence to say it loud. I’m sure most of us have been there.
The question remains. Why? Why the doubt? Is it the way we are taught in medical school? Is it the high stakes we have when dealing with people’s lives? Why do we sometimes believe we aren’t as good as we actually are? Why do we sometimes believe we aren’t worthy of our success? Is it fear manifesting itself? These are some of the questions I occasionally grapple with and I have to remind myself of how far I’ve come.
We all have to fight the doubt with truth. You are smart and capable and talented and you are deserving of all your success. Where there are areas to improve be patient with yourself and don’t give up. The war on the mind is won on what we believe about who we are and why we are here. Let us fill our thoughts with truth that overwhelms the doubt. I know it’s not easy but it’s very possible.
I’ll end this post with a quote by Marianne Williamson. I believe it’s incredibly powerful and encouraging and the words are something for all of us to reflect on. If you’ve ever watched Coach Carter here’s a little throwback. If you haven’t, it’s quite an inspirational movie that may just give you a bit of motivation and get you out of that self-doubt mode.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It’s not just in some of us;
It’s in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we’re liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
NOW GO OUT THERE AND BACK YOURSELF!
Written by Dr Efosa Ohonba